Thursday, September 29, 2011

402. 'Pockeett!!! pockeettt!!'

ngan bunyi macam orang meracau..

Pocketeers, this is an actual story,
how i hope that the people around me are not reading this.
(For they can pinpoint the lady character in this story
without the need of any investigation)

A lady was recently sent to her parent's house 300km
away from where his husband and child sleeps.
She was accused of having an affair, SMS was the proof,
the hubby got furious all and all the same old story.

After a few weeks of therapy and consultation,
the lady was given a second chance and they
got back together again.
Sleeping side by side again.
She told the hubby that she ended the relationship
with that guy whom she refers to as 'sedara-angkat',
abang ka adik ka, i dont care, they start by all this
abang adik angkat thingy just to end up having
everything terangkat. Huh!!
She deleted the phone number and basically
crossed her heart and hope to die <- is this religious
practice or just an american culture?

Well anyway, two days ago..
the lady came to me asking for help.
The hubby wanted to confront this
'sedara-angkat' but the 'sedara angkat'
refuses to. 'oh! what to do!? what to do!?'

From her story, it seems like the hubby still thinks
that the feeling is still there, that even they're not
texting each other, or having secret meeting in dark
places, the feeling is still there.

She kept on insisting that she have forgotten all about
that guy, that his name never crossed her heart ever again.
That she dont have any feeling whatsoever
about him anymore. With wet eyes and heartful voice
the story goes on and on... I nearly believed her... nearly.

In the end i asked..
'kenapa dia kata gitu Kak Ima,
apa yang trigger perasaan sangsi tu kembali?'
'tak tau la..' a long pause.. taking her breath summoning
all the courage to say the word. Looking at the wall.
'katanya kak dok ngigau nama laki tu masa tidoq'
she said with tears pouring even more...

laaaaa... memang laaa.
Nampak sangat tak habih lagi demam cinta. Hoh!!
Pocketeers, cinta tu ... buleh padam padam ker?

...i couldnt stay away, i couldnt fight it
i had hoped u see my face and that u'd be reminded
that for me it is'nt over....
never mind i'll find someone like uuuuuu
-adele - someone like u-

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

401. Senyum Umpama Suria...

Oh manisnya senyuman mu,
pocketeers, have u ever envied those
that have the sweetest smile in photo's
hanged by their wall?
they dont have to think, it comes natural
to them and somehow the pic will turned out great.
well i'd say among other things, it kinda depend
on your face proportion,
skin tone plus the 'Chemistry'.
if u have a nose that took 80% of your face,
u cant do much ok..

Skin tone, this is not me saying, but lisa surihani is,
in that comercial that showed her measuring up the
fairness of her skin.

Chemistry, well according to some, girls in sri lanka
is prefered to have the extra kilogram as they are
considered more beautiful that way. the skinny ladies,
would usually ends up not getting married.
In japan, the comel is more prefered to then the beautiful.
ma what ever it is, we can blame it on the majalah for
chemistry issues. They guide, we unintentionally decide.

anyway... how do u smile sweetly for the camera pocketeers?

my tips would be,
to smile right before the cameraman say'Fire!!!'
ok they dont, but u know what i mean right?
the theory was, every smile have its own 'tarikh luput.
just like those u see in gardenia's bread.
They would state the date when u can
expect to see mold florish happily :D.
and just like bread, different people
would have different 'tarikh-luput'.

i'd say mine is 0.4second,
that is why i dont wanna smile that much
in my photo. Simply missed the perfect moment.
siti nurhaliza most definitely 16minutes,
P Ramlee.. well he have the best smile there is
and it stays fresh even after he hold the smile
for 2 and a half day :D

'Okkkk semua rapat rapat rapat!!!'
says the phtotographer,
make a serious face.
'ready haa.. tiga!!'
hold it!
hold it!!
hold itt!!!
(kinda remind u of william wallace in that movie braveheart kan..?
'say ...'
its either u'll get half a smile which is hideous,
or u'll get the best smile one would smile just by looking at it.

please do try pocketeers,
and tell me how long is your tarikh luput :D

Monday, September 26, 2011


lain padang, lain belalang,
lain belalang, lain sembang,
sembang sembang duit kupang,
yang lantang, yang tu yang senang,
yang sunyi, yang tu yang kurang,

now this post is not mocking anyone,
i tot it was interesting for me to share,
how different people's way of talking base
on their money spending, and how much they
make money.

i've heard this myself.
with this cheap undecorated ears of mine :D

Yang Kurang..
teringin nya nak shopping kat kafu ker, tesko ker..
ngan trolley penuh diisi barang barang rumah
sampai tertumpah tumpah kan...
cam seronok jer tengok kan..

Yang Lebih..
abang! cukup ker satu trolley ni!?

Lambat Gi Keja...
Yang Kurang..
'tayar motor saya pancit la plak,
saya masuk lambat sikit yer boss!'

Yang Lebih..
'i pakai alphard i ari ni, tak leh nak nyelit nyelit sangat.
keter i? ohh.. masukworkshop.'

Yang Kurang..
'siap resume aku! so kita gi CyberCafe kat pekan sana,
Excell kan resume ni n aku antaarrr!!!
one step towards employment!!'

Yang Lebih..
'TM ari ni tak der line, beruk beng?
tinggal dalam beg lagi satu la plaak.,
kena la gi cybercafe kat pekan jugak lah
nampak gayanyaaa.. bosan bosan!

Yang Kurang..
'so kita nak pilih yang mana satu,
teres setingkat ni ker? or kita beli apartment dulu,
nanti buleh kita buat sewa:D
this is a huge investment! have to think everything up ya sayang:D

Yang Lebih..
'so kita nak pilih yang mana satu,
yang 600K ni luas sikit, tp jauh.. yg 800k ni,
dekat ngan tpt keja.. beza 200 jer pon.'

Oh how i wish i could be like them,
i'll try to do everything i can to become them,
i will work my tail off to say atleast half
of what they're saying.
and if i cant get it,
hopefully my future daughter or son could say
it out loud when i'm down and helpless on my
deathbed with that indonesian lady feeding me
time to update the resume people ^^

Saturday, September 24, 2011

399. HowToFollow LikeDis?


now it has become some kind of blogger recognition
by the amount of faces decorating this widget they
call 'Follower'.
Of course every now and then by showing your
nuffnang cheque, u'd also be announcing that u'r an
achieved blogger too.. but not all people brag about this.
(Takut kena culik dan cek dirampas terus dipukul dan disiksa, mati terbakar kot.)

Anyway.. it is a custom for us to follow back
whomever following us, that is just the
manners in blogging....
i think...
who said so?

Up to the blogger i'd say.
Some of u i'm not following, but i still leave a comment
everytime u'r posting, ok i may have missed a few post
but dont blame me, they put a time period for me to blog.

Anyway, I wanna follow u back,
but in the follower widget,
if we click over the icon of your
cute face, this will pop up,
where is your link in this?
some of u have,
and like this sample over here,
some of u dont.

then how to follow u back?
without a link here, how to follow u back?
any ideas pocketeers?

PS: this lady Mya did commented in my post before
so following her back is not an issue.
this is just an example ok :D

sorry Mya if this offends u,
sorry tau!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

398. Things I Give An Eff About....

Whenever I wanna have a sunny side up,
I want it to be sunny..
ok that was a wrong expression,
but i cant stand a sunny side up
with broken egg yolk, or distorted,
or deformed, leaking from its original
shape. It bug me as hell.
and if it was me who goreng it,
i'd re'goreng' the whole thing
just because i failed the first time.
If someone else goreng'ed it,
then i'd say.. uu sedap nyer u goreng :D
ngan penuh kesedihan makan la jugak.

I cant stand wearing t shirt with
design on the chest, i cant quite
concentrate on where i'm going with
such colours in my peripheral
Mcm 'ehh!! apa ni hampir nak tepijak!!'
tapi tengok tengok gambar bob marley
kat baju rupanyaaaa..

Ayam goreng tepung is not a lauk,
its more to a 'meratah' kinda dish.
Pernah tengok orang makan KFC ngan
nasik with sambal belachan lagi?
tak kena! tak kena! tak kena!

I give a damn about computer screen or
handphone screen with finger print.
cant stand it, wanna wipe it off...
lap cantik cantik!! lap cantik cantik!!
Problem is when i went to the handphone
stall to look for handphones and there
was 70% of HP with touch screen..
how to touch screen without the fingerprint
laaa!! takkan nakguna pen khas tu all the
time kot.. xbesh xbesh :(
(Black berry kaaaa???)


...and I do give an Eff when the net connection is too slow,
I can go to take a piss first before my own blog appear,
how to blog walk laa wei!!? so today I am slowing down
a bit, tomorrow ya pocketeers! ^^

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

397. AdaBerani?


Have u ever got on a bus and cant get a seat?
boring kan, now u cant open up your Itab and
start browsing along as the journey would take
40 minute. what to do?

for us, its the itab or the book reading that we
concerned about. But for an old near decease
makcik (Rude pocket! rude!!) the pain in her
ankle is killing her, or her knee starts to shake
and that explains the clicking sound we often
hear in buses.
They would pay to get a seat,
why do u think flights have Business class anyway?
(Langsung tak dak kena mengena ok!!)

But i know u guys, u are kind hearted malaysian
who would give your seat the needy one without
a doubt.
Same as me if I own the seat,
I usually give mine to any old lady who stands near me,
so does those pregnant lady... and not to forget any
awek comel yang kononnya tak larat nak berdiri,
sajer nak bagi seat nak tarik perhatian dia.
What can i say, i'm just a weak bloke with good intentions.

The question is, what if u dont own the seat,
by this means that u'r also standing.
A makcik is standing by your side,
peluh dingin starts to decorate her forehead
as an indication of her pain. Would you ask
the big and horny looking guy for his seat?
'er abang, buleh bagi makcik ni duduk tak?'
Ladies asking a horny looking guy,
that requires gut dont u think?

Cause i dont think i have it in me,
I would pray that the responsibility would never
fall on me, if i ever saw a pregnant lady coming
into the bus, and i also am standing, i would walk
to the end of the bus just so that the blame is not
on me.

We were eating in a nasi kandar place the other day,
nearly finished our rediculously overpriced meal as
the nasi area is forming a line,
A chinese pregnant lady is waiting at the back of the
line with her husband.
There was about 15 to 20 people in front of her.
Lunch time in Penang, what do u expect.
'hang tengok tu pocket, lagu ni la malaysian' a friend said.
'bagi la kakak pregnant tu amik nasik dulu,
sapa sapa bagitau owner kedai kaa...' he added.
all the other member in our table agreed, nodding heads.
'dah , hang yang kata tu tak mau buat apa apa?' i asked.
everyone's just kept their silence,
as if the word i just said was just a decoration
to the whole conversation. Meaningless deco.
I was weak... i couldnt do it,

If it was u pocketeers,
would u do it? tell the owner to have a heart
and let the lady and her hubby to take the nasik
first? and then face the 20pair of eyes scorching
your face with fire of anger?
i was weak... i couldnt do it,

I've instructed my junior instead,
and since I have the authority to tell
him to do stuff, he did. And the lady
got her nasi and a seat with all the
staff tended to her politely. But the
was faced
by the junior. let him be :D


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

396. ToRemember...

...Me By,

I have a younger sister,
I am calling her 'Along'.
Now u guys must be wondering,
how can a younger sister is called Along
when Along is usually a name dub to the
'Sulong' child of the family?
Well she is the 'Sulong' child in the family
My neighbor's family, but i cared for her the

The other day we were talking in our dapur
where she came early in the morning
just to say hi after her long absence.
she saw a handphone of one of my family
and pointed out that she hates the pic
the phone owner used as the caller id's
for her number.
(Poor me, i forgot to bring the photo
in question, paste it here tomorrow ya)

I asked her why do u care? its not for u to see..
its for the owner to remember u by,
honestly in my opinion, I kinda like this pic,
it shows your sweetest honest smile.
But she thought it was hideous,
well cant really understand teenagers nowadays,
and yes, she's reaching her 19thbirthday soon.
I hope I can understand her better
when she reached her 20s...

'abih, kalau orang taruk gambar beruk
utk bangwan, bangwan syok jugak ka!?'
in the most utara accent wiggling
her shoulder in gedikness.
'nanti, kalau bangwan call.. orang kata..
ish beruk ni lagi!, syok lagu tu!?'
oi oi... what is with the sudden anger.
jangan la maraah :)

If i ever own a handphone that can put
picture for every caller ID. I'll fill
in every pic i can for each caller.
try to make it a small pic,
about 200x350px maybe,
should'nt cost that much KB right?
Ayaq, i am putting dat pic with
the shawl as yours ok ?
Filantera, yours will be sammoHung,
Oh!dont blame me, u do lookalike :D
and i always luv 'you' in dat movie yipman2
Banji, i have your wedding photo to put :D
For commoner, i'll get that photo of the
flower from that game : Plant Vs Zombie okeh.
just to say that u provide me with sunshine :D

Mine? put that korean actor 'Rain' will you?
somebody told me dat starting from the halkum and above,
we got about 12% of resemblence:D Hoyeah!!
(Minus another 40kg of course^^ adehlaa..)

do u care about the pic people
put in as your caller ID?
the fat pic, the bad angle pic,
the laughing out hard pic,
must it be the chomel pic only?

Monday, September 19, 2011

395. GoPocketGo!

I commented on someone's post recently and
the comment made me remembered this story,
my story, the name is true enough that if they
read this story, they would comment,
'usang nya citer niiii'

This story took place way back in the 70s when
Penang Bridge and North-south highway was still
in somebody's head. I was taking my MCE's in
some school in the rural area of Perlis.
Back then the water supply was still air kapur.
saiazuan, how is arau now?
(U guys know this is not true right, i'm not that old)

Sports day, all the Rumah Zamrud students
were clad in their proud t shirt that look 100%
copied from an adidas shirt sold in the shop.
I was in delima where our t-shirt was just
a plain red in colour.
It was the finale for tug of war,
Zamrud vs Delima,
Ning was the third from the front, a guy
who's weigh more then me by 20kg back then.
I was also the third from the front,
on the other side of course.
Liza was... in the crowd cheering
for zamrud's player to win the cup.
She was a plain simetrical lady whom I fall for
not because she was glamorous or beautiful,
but by her voice and by her smile that is so fresh,
any picture of hers would look like a candid.
Ok well have to admit that she was cute like hell :D.

The first round was won by us,
Zamrud was disappointed but they can still
wear their fierce mask looking like an angry lion.

Change side.

The empire starts to blow his whistle,
Everybody is taking their place,
the player starts to shout for semangat.
The cheering crowd is just 3 meters away,
this was a school sports day ok, not the olimpic.
They are allowed to be on the fields right by the player side.

As i was making the ladder on the ground using my heels,
I saw Liza was calling some of her friends for a huddle,
I could not hear her, she was far away in the enemy zone.
They ended their huddle with a clap and somehow all the girls
took place just by the side of all the ten players.

We picked up the tali kapal and hold...
awaiting the empire third whistle.
I saw the girl behind Liza was asking
another girl next to her, the gesture looks
like she was asking for the guy's name.
finger pointing, same lips movement for a few time.
Wait Seminit.. what is happening?

'Pree Preeeeeettttttt!!!!'
and tug!!! there we were tugging the tali kapal
putting our back and spine like we meant it
concentrating on our step and muscle.
The red handkerchief in the middle was moving.
Now its more towards our side. hoyeah!! go pocket go!!

But then i saw it, She was cheering him up.
She was calling him by his name, clenching her fist
holding both of it to her chest shouting.
I could not hear her, the crowd was shouting
so loud that if a train passing by, no one would
turn and look. But like I told u, if we concentrate
hard enough, we could read lips, and I saw her lips,
'niing!! tarik lagi ninggg!! sikit jer lagi niiinnnggg!!!'
her smile, her enthusiasme, her cheers was excruciating to me.
and there I was, holding the tali kapal, not pulling it.

The war ended with both of them holding their hand
high up together. If it was not in malaysia,
I'd say they would have hug each other in victory.

I could see that this trick of Liza worked.
one to one personal cheering with names involved did worked.
or so what ning told me that night in the Dewan Selera.
'alaammaaakkk sorry lah pocket, I know about U and Liza,
but when she cheered for me, the adrenalene was more then
any men could handle, her voice was like a sound wave.
making my body numb. sakit tangan tak terasa, kaki aku tolak
macam jalan kaki jer siot, korang tak seberat mana lagi.
jangan amik ati ok.'
'taaaakkk... aku tak amik atiii pasal liza,
aku sakit ati pasal kalah jee'

A lady was having an issue where her better half
is having a bad year, all i can say to her was
be the best cheerleader one can be.
For that is what we men wanted anyway..
cute and cuddly girls wearing tights yelling
'Go pocket go!!' ok not literally but u know what i mean kan pocketeers?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

394. Masterkeys

yes yes, pocket tukar tajuk :D
Three days of not connected somehow weakened me up here.
(Sambil menudingkan jari ke lekuk di sebelah kening kanan)

On thursday, we were invited for a dinner with some ajnabi
I will not share a cup of tea with, those kinda guys who would
carve their nicest smile infront of u, but will frown even by
hearing your name elsewhere.
Anyway... we were talking... and just to break the ice,
someone cracked a personal joke between themself
just to lure us to ask 'what was the joke anyway?'

here was the joke
(i kinda think the joke was inapropriate
but u guys are adult enough right?)

What would u call a lock that can be opened by many keys?
Useless right? doesnt serve the purpose of a lock dont u think?

What would u call a key that can open many locks?
A MasterKey!! that is a good key! the more it unlocks, the better!!

'So guys, we are masterkeys, for we aim to unlock more and more.'
(The one who says this was an indian guy who can speak hokkien)
Everybody laughed, i smiled keeping my manners, but i didnt
laugh as i thought it was a very offensive joke to be told infront
of ladies who cant understand english dat much but were forced
to laugh as everybody else is.

anyway.. what i wanna say from the joke above was...
Pocketeers, be special.
One Key For One Lock.

Alohomora!! :D

Thursday, September 15, 2011

393. Jeles Jugak...

nice comment pocketeers,
pocket suka!
pocket suka!
anyway since i've typed this post earlier,
so i'm just gonna publish this :D
just a thought with my experience as proof.

here goes :

Ima and I used to go to melaka for work.
(now as most of u already notice, Ima
is just a common name i use to adress
every ladies in my story)
I chose her not only for her competency
in doing her work, but also because I was
having a 'thing' for her. what can i say,

this flesh is too weak :D

Yes i know that she is someone's GF,
but the temptation was irresistable.
Her BF didnt say much about the whole thing
anyway. Never even cared then.
He tot his GF went to melaka wit some
chinese pakcik who care less about this
malay underweight lady.
But one day, I drove her to her house
and he was there. He might have heard her
giving salam when we were saying good bye
and hells break loose.
The fire of jealosy starts to burn him,
the heat is boiling his balls in his
scrotum like some telur rebus during kenduri.
Prohibit her from going to melaka wit me anymore.
Well what can i say, that is the nature.
A few days later,
'Ima, kamis ni ima kena gi melaka, arrange yer'
'BF ima tak bagi la pocket, dia kata kalau gi
ngan MrLee buleh lah.'
'loh!! cakap la kata nak gi ngan Mr Lee'
'tapi bukan abang ker yg nak bawak nanti'
'yes, tapi BF ima tak tau kan..'
'err.. camana tu?'

Anyway, why is it that he is ok with MrLee,
but not with me?
I might have been more then him in certain ways
that he finds it intimidating and thus the
thick liquid of fear come dripping from his ears
pulling his head down to earth,

bending his spine till he cant stand.

I might be more understanding compared to him,
i might be making more money then him,
(This i dont know)
i might be slightly more good looking then him,
(This i know not true, His face looks a bit like detective hotchner
from Criminal Minds!!)
and so my point stands.
There is no such thing as jealousy,
there is only fear. Fear of being compared to.

If it was a fat pakcik,
he wont be compared to for looks.
He'll definitely win.
but not wit some young malay bloke who got
some mix blood in him. Although i know,
I would lost easily with detective hotchner.
(Mr lee however was a pakcik that best described
by one word : hearing-aid)

If it was a bos, he wont be compared
for how understanding he is.
Cause he know his lady wont be talking
personal issue wit her boss anyway.
But not wit this malay guy who happen
to be born 4 years earlier then his girl.

Jealousy is actually 'Fear' of being compared to.
and the fear of loosing the competition
makes u do things, shitty things.

what say u?
if i am a midget with 100cm as my height,
who drives an OKU shitty car. Do u still think
he'd be jealous of me with his GF?
it was never an issue before..

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

392. Jeles..

kalau la pocket kata...
Jeles tu hanyalah perasaan takut
yang bertukar menjadi marah.
Jika tiada perasaan takut.
tiada perasaan marah.
adakah kamu setuju?

Takutkan apa pocket?
Takut diri ini dibandingkan.
The fear of being compared to.
the fear of being loss from the comparison.

Farid dan Ima suami isteri,
Farid wat sales, ima suri rumah tangga.
Farid tengah cuba nak dapatkan satu peluang
supply perabot kat KFC. Kalau dapat tender ni,
mahu juta juta number nyer...
tp yang farid kena sembang.. kena bodek...
kena lobby adalah seorang awek muda umur 26,
penuh executive nyer rambut karat sikit.
Farid dok usung la awek ni kesana kemari,
menunjukkan sample, belanja makan (kat KFC jer pon..)
kekadang farid belikan hadiah harijadi
hanya nak lobby, hanya nak lobby...

knowing this ima logik la jeles.
suami terchenta dok layan awek lain.
disini pocket rasa sebenarnya ima takut.
takut ditinggalkan farid?
certainly no, that is the kesan of the whole case.

Pocket rasa, ima takut dia dibandingkan.
'Eh bini aku tak rambut wangi cenggini'
'eh bini aku tak suare sedap cenggini'
'eh bini aku tak saiz pinggang camni'
so perasaan takut itu bertukar menjadi marah.
merajuk. Perli si suami tak kena tempat,
benda kecik nak marah marah, dan kalau
dapat call tetengah malam,
dok anggap si exec KFC yang call.
dan itu yang kita panggil sebagai jeles tu.
betul tak?

So persoalan nya,
kalau ima tu indah beyond comparison.
tak jeles kah ima?

kalau korang camana?

Agak agak nya lah kan..
Ima jeles jgak ker kalau executive yang
Farid kena lobby tu adalah kakak yang
160cm 92kg yang main tudung selimpang jer
kebahu tanpa brooch?
Tambah lagi memiliki special design
di lutut kiri sampai tak leh naik tangga?
(Or simply bisu?)

kalau korang? jeles tak?

Monday, September 12, 2011

391. Hit and Crash!!!

Pocketeers, just a thought,
The other day u'r waiting in line to get
your hari raya hair cut, it was a long line
so u've taken out your 11.4 inch dell inspiron
and start typing something, let it be your
resignation letter, your luv letter, or this post.
(This is so not me as i prefer pen and paper ^^)

u were spilling your brains out when all of a sudden
some bloody punk who never went to school pushes u
off your stool trying to run away with the lappy,
he grabbed the lappy by his stinkin ketiak and starts
initiatin the 'hikmat-langkah-seribu'

But today is not his day, u were equiped with a glock
21 9mm automatic. U slid your hand into your bag
and start shooting that effing punk three time from
one got tru his left chest flying right tru
his heart putting it to an immediate stop.
One hit him by the back of the head,
the bullet gone spinning as it was flying
inside the punks head and blows his face off
to the extend of victim identification would be
by the jewelry on him.

The last bullet flies right to his left knee
taking him off his balance and down he goes
landing what ever left of his face onto the
dirty pavement smearing blood and his unusable brains.

The lappy? well it was tossed so high in the air,
just to hit and crash as it lands.
Hit and Crash.
"Braaasssshhhhhkkkkrrrrr kedek kedek kedek"

So the question is, how do u get the punks wife
or mother to pay for the lappy? the 'engsel'
between the monitor and the body of the lappy
is now broke, and it is not usable anymore.
How to get ganti rugi from the punks mother,
U just ask?
People would say, the punk got what he deserved,
dont burden the family with your petty lappy issues,
but your lappy is now broken!! and no one
to pay for it.
well the kid paid it already with his life!
what more do u want?
i would want my lappy back!!
(Or something equivalent to the lappy of course)

So if u ever shoot anyone who's trying to run
away with a precious cargo, try not to kill him
Aim for the buttocks or the balls or maybe the
lower spine maybe but not the face. u'd end up
without anyone to pay for the broken goods.
humm humm

-same goes to u there who wants to get your girl back.
dont ruin the precious cargo along the way..
u may still need it ok:D

Sunday, September 11, 2011

390. TosletPuaka Fin

Sambungan dari post lepas :

388. TosletPuaka 1 dan 389. TosletPuaka 2

'Abang ni baik lah!! Farid nak tolong abang lagi!'
'Adik nakkan sepuluh hinggit lagi ker?
tak der apa yg buleh adik tulung lagi dik..
terimakasih jer la.'
'takk takk.. ni free punyer,
abang kena mintak mahap ni bang..
kalau abang buat salah, mintak mahap jer la.
kakak tak marah lagi, kakak cuma nak balik umah jer'
ada muka saspen cam jalaludin hassan dlm kuiz show
'sapa nak jadi jutawan tu'.
'eh jap? kakak ?'

'tuu' kata si budak autistik tu sambil
menuding jari ke back seat yang kosong tak der orang.
sekali dia melambai macam orang nak ucap selamat tinggal.
'kakak cantiiikkk.. ambut panjaaannngggg..
kat pipi kakak ada luka.. kesian kakak ahak! ahak!.'
'err.. jap dik. jangan buat lawak buleh tak..'
'betuulll!! kakak tgh lambai ni haa.. haaaaiiii, kaaakaaaaaakkk'
while waving his hand frantically towards the empty back seat.
'keter ni yang sakitkan kakak, sebahagian dari kakak
masih kat keter ni, tu yang kakak tak leh balik tu.
ahak ahak ahak.. ' udah udah lah ngan gelak tuu!!
sejenak itu, bulu pocket kat mana juga yang ada bulu
terus meremang..
pocket jadi takut, yes as pondan it may sound,
pocket naik takut. terus pocket bergegas ke pintu pilot
ngan usaha nak meninggalkan budak tu.
'jangan naik abang!! kakak marah abang tak percaya!!
jangan naaiiikkk!!! percaya la cakap Fariiiidddd'
meruntun dan menarik baju pocket...
i got so furious, wanted to slap him for doing
the unnecessary joke. but i just couldnt.
dia autistic.. memang suka berfantasi kot.
dan pocket terus naik keter, idupkan enjin, pecut,
lupakan budak autistic ni,
biar dia trus dok berfantasi kat situ.
hish tak lalu aku.

risau gak.. still buleh ingat rupa
si budak autistic tu dok ketuk tingkap pocket
sambil dok laung ngan muka panic nya...
'jangan naik!! jangan naiiikkk!!!.. nanti kakak cekiiikkk!!'
ngan lakonan nya yang sesekali menoleh
ke tempat duduk belakang tu memang buleh
diberi award. Heeeiiiiiiii!! meremang bulu roma.
dah la tetengah malam..lagi mau buat lawak..
'taaakkk.. tak der tak der, mana ada antu, donia maju ni mana
ada antu... budak tu berfantasi jer tu.. aku ok jer haaa..'
tasbih bibir memujuk ati.. moga tenang sikit perasaan.

Perjalan diteruskan ngan kelajuan yang tinggi sikit.
Sedikit seram, tak tengok belakang sangat dah, yer la,
dok menjeling ke back mirror kang nampak lak
sepasang mata kat situ, mahu aku buat aksi melompat
dari kenderaan bergerak ala ala mcgyver kan.

Tak sampai 10 minit pemanduan,
nampak gerai pemandu lori dok makan mee goreng.
pocket pun bagi signal dan berenti la seadanya.
kita bagi cool dulu kejap, masukkan gula dalam darah.
'boss teh tarik satu.. mi goreng yer.. tak mau toge'
dan si lelaki separuh dekad tu pun bangun dari kerusi
dan memulakan upacara menggoreng mee utk pocket.
20 minit berlalu... kaki dok gedik gedik tanda tak senang
ati pun dah berkurangan dah... tasbih ku berkesan..
where got ghost! where got ghost! where got ghost!

Masa teh tarik pocket sampai, dia menegur..
'aaii pucaaat jer ni dik.. kenapa? nampak hantu ker?'
kata pakcik yang berketumbuhan dileher macam
filem Karak tu. orang sini pandai buat lawak kan..
tak lawak pakcik. Pocket hanya tergelak.. hirup teh tu skali,
dan citer la pocket pasal terlanggar anjin
dan berhenti di depan simpang tu,
ada lampu dan budak autistic dtg tolong.

'oowhh hang nampak Farid?'
tanya pakcik tu ngan penuh wajah kehairanan. secebis cemas,
terus dia bangun dan bergerak ngan slow motion nyer ke
kaunter cashier.
'nama dia farid?' mcm buleh tangkap gak, tp tak nak ingat punya
pasal... nama dia pun hilang <:o
'huuu, kena talipon mak dia nih, mak dia tak bagi
dia keluar memalam tu, dia tu buleh nampak hantu..
betul betul punya buleh nampak.. roh, jin, hantu lilin
bunian, harry potter pun dia buleh nampak, last dia keluar,
nelayan jumpa dia dok nangis kat pulau sana nuu sorang sorang..
katanya dia bejalan pi.. mana ada titi!! ni dia keluar pulak nii
kang meracau kat mana plak ni nanti'
kata pakcik tu dengan cergas nya mencapai henpon murahan merah.
'alloo.. maah, hang dok buat apa...? ni nak tanya sikiit,
hang tau dak anak hang dok mana?
hang pi check sat...ada orang ni kata... kat simpang'
his alarming voice becoming less and less audible as
he walks towards the cooking area.

Yg pocket ni masih duduk sambil tangan memegang
teh tarik. mengadap ke keter pocket yang sunyi diaaam
jer sesorang dia.
dengan seat belakang yang nyata sekali kosong.




tuuuutttt tuuuutt..klok klak 'haloo..' suara ngantut.
'halo, adik.. bangwan nih, adik buleh mai amik bangwan dak?'
'nak gi camana? keter adik kan bangwan pakai...'
'eh yer tak yer gak kan..'


Saturday, September 10, 2011


sambungan dari post semalam : 388.TosletPuaka1

Tgh tgh dok cari kayu tu, pocket nampak
ada kelibat lelaki keluar dari dalam semak.
Macam ada trail kecik ke rumah orang dari situ,
dia menolak basikal, kemas berseluar pendek,
tuck in ngan baju berkolar.
Gaya macam remaja, kurus bersongkok,
kain pelikat diselimpang ke bahu.
Tetengah malam ni tak sejuk ker dik ooi..

Sambil suluh toslet besar lagi dabak
tu ke mata pocket.. 'Abang buat aper sini!!?'
separuh menjerit, nada marah pun ada,
mcm mengusik budak kecik yang kantul merokok pun ada.
silau la bodoh!! Puaka punya toslet.
'Abang terlanggar anjin, sangkut plak kat keter,
tgh nak buang lah ni' explain pocket takut dituduh
mengendap ker berkomplot nak merampok ker.
Memalam ni kang kena pukul cenggitu jer kang.
Bukan nya nak diusul periksa nyer diorang ni nanti.
'ooooo, langgar anjinn.. ahak ahak ahak.. '
Tertawa riang nyer budak tu, pocket masa tu
tak nampak lagi muka budak tu, Salahkan toslet
puaka itu. Dengar ke intonasi dan cara gelak tu,
terasa la gak, buduh ker aper budak nih,
lain macam jer gelak nyer.. sekali bila dia dah
hampir ngan keter pocket, baru la nampak terang
lagi tak bersuluhnya.. dia autistic.

Dengan tangan nyer yang sedikit cacat pergerakan tu,
gaya gerakan leher nyer yang kekadang dok meneleng
ke kiri tu, air liur yg tak la terjaga sangat tu,
yes confirm autistic.. kesian dia.. kalau tak autistic,
memang ensem budak ni.
Pocket tarik balik kata kata buduh ker haper tadi.
Mintak maaf yer dik.. abang yang buduh.
'Bagi Farid tolong abang yer.. farid tarik..
abang cucuk yer.. ahak ahak' bukan tempat nak gelak ni dik..
Pocket mencari tali dalam ruang penyimpan barang
dibelakang keter, pocket perasan yang dia memerhatikan keter
sambil senyum senyum, autistic memang suka senyum kot.
Tali dihulur utk mengikat badan anjin tusebagai pemegang
untuk budak tu nak tarik, pocket pun duk usaha melepaskan
kaki anjing yang tersangkut tu.
Sebab dua orang yang buat, tak sempat tiga minit, settle!

Sebab baik hati menulung, pocket bagi dia 2 ringgit.
Sebab sanggup meneman pocket ditengah malam
yang sunyi lagi kat tpt yg sure punya lah ada antu,
Pocket bagi lapan ringgit, so sehelai duit merah
pocket hulurkan, dia ambik.. ngan gelak autistik nyer,
dia menyambut duit pocket.
'Makasiiiihhhhhh' dengan penuh lawak jenakanya, happy dia.
'Abang ni baik lah!! Farid nak tolong abang lagi!'
'Adik nakkan sepuluh hinggit lagi ker?
tak der apa yg buleh adik tulung lagi dik..
terimakasih jer la.'
'takk takk.. ni free punyer,
abang kena mintak mahap ni bang..
kalau abang buat salah, mintak mahap jer la.
kakak tak marah lagi, kakak cuma nak balik umah jer'
ada muka saspen cam jalaludin hassan dlm kuiz show
'sapa nak jadi jutawan tu'.
'eh jap? kakak ?'

aaaah suddah.. tempat tempat cenggini
jangan buat lawak buleh tak dik?
Benda yg tak der pun jadi ader tau!! hish!!
dah la aku tengah dok cuak nii,
ko ni antu ke orang pung aku tak tau lagi..

Lagi 1400 patah perkataan jer pocketeers...
saboo!! sabooo!!!


Friday, September 09, 2011

388. TosletPuaka 1

Satu lagi citer orang yg pocket pernah dgr,
kawan cerita memang besh lah. Dengan soundtrack
nyer lagi, pocket citer? well dlm penulisan ni,
intonasi pun susah.. inikan plak soundtrack.
tp pocket cuba nak menyampaikan mesej,
semenarik mungkin. Macam biasa, menggunakan
kata ganti diri pertama untuk character utama.

Masa tu pocket tgh dok balik kampung dari
Kuala kedah ke pekan Yan, lalu jalan kampung,
sajer je gatal sebab jalan tu besh.
Padi jer sejauh mata memandang di kiri baikpun dikanan.
sesekali jalan diterangi lampu, rumah nampak sayuup
di ujung sana, yg tepi jalan suma dah gelap.
kawasan tu memang la sunyi nyer ngan rumah
pentempatan berselerak.
Malam tu sunyi, tak banyak keter,
sebab masa pun ada gak, ate dah kul 12 tgh malam
ni maner la nak ada lagi keter lalu lalang.
pocket tgh dok drive sorang sorang ngan proton wira
kepunyaan adik. nak bli sndiri tak mampu..
pakai la keter orang, isi minyak full masa pulangkan,
tak der calar or jatuh sana sini, kira ok la kan.
Lagu yang berkumandang mase tu adalah lagu cinta kristal.
pergh !! layan beb :D

Sambil tengah layan lagu tu..
Skali ada bunyi..
'Dummh!!' Terasa hentaman di lampu kiri.
'kelekuk kelak krak!' benda tu masuk bawah tayar.
'gedek, sreeeeeeetttt' sangkut kot kat mudguard belakang.

Bertenang pocket bertenang,
bagi signal dulu, meh kita berenti
n tengok terlanggar apa.
Ada bunyi macam makhluk
yg pocket langgar terheret
kat belakang bumper,
jangan la orang!
jangan la orang!
jangan la orang! tp kalau orang
mesti menjerit. ker tak sempat?
pocket berenti kat lampu jalan,
oren malaaap jer lampunyer.
keluar keter n pusing ..
walaupun pocket tahu bunyi
seretan tadi dari tayar belakang
kiri, still pocket nak pusing
dari tayar belakang kanan dulu..
tayar depan kanan..
tayar depan kiri... n at last..
ngan dub dab dub dab nyer pocket menghampiri,

laaaa.. anjing ker!!
darahnya tak la berlumuran sangat,
tapi sure mati la ngan posing kaki ke atas,
kepala belipat kebawah.. yoga versi anjin,
sangkut dek kaki kanan kat gap di bumper.
ngan saspen nyer pocket carik kayu yang cukup
kuat nak korek kaki anjin tu keluar.
tak nak aku dok mengheret mayat anjing ni..
kang dia jadi hantu plakkan.

Tgh tgh dok cari kayu tu, pocket nampak ada
kelibat lelaki keluar dari dalam semak,
pelan pelan kelibat dia makin terang disinari lampu malap
oi!! jalan cepat sikit buleh tak.. saspen ni tau!!

Citer hantu, selalu timing character semua ngam ngam jer kan..
bersambung la pocketeers, lagi 2000 patah perkataan,
korang sure ngantut nak baca punyer ^^;


Thursday, September 08, 2011

387. MakanBerhidang,

Pernah terpikir tak?
..yang blogging ni biarpun hanya sekadar nukilan rasa,
luahan perasaan, tapi ada sikit jugak macam hidangan?
Hidangan dari pemilik blog kepada pengunjung yang
berminat nak singgah.
Hidangan yang macam kalau kita gi kedai makan
dimana ikan siakap tiga rasa tu terhidang ngan besh nyer
diatas meja untuk hari ni,
dan besok?... ketam black pepper!!
lusa? ... ayam panggang!!
tulat pocketeers nak makan apa?

Persoalan dimana siapa pembekal,
dan siapa yang meminta tak sama la kan,
pasal kalau kat restoran,
pengunjung yang meminta,
tapi dalam blogging pemilik yang meminta,
meminta hidangan nya di santap.
dan kalau ada komen, sila sila lah ngan penuh
adab dan budi bicaranya tulis dalam kertas,
tinggal kat pintu keluar :D

pocket ada hidangan, lets say ayam masak merah,
pedas pedas sikit, untuk yg tak tahan pedas sila
proceed with caution. masin n masam...
ujung ujung lidah tu terasa gak manis nya.
hidangan dihias secantik yang pocket mampu,
cili yg potong cam bunga tu kira cam
'Gambar-hiasan' lah kot kan..
ada isi nya,
ada kuah nya,
ada bahan sampingan nya..
(utk ayam masak merah.. apa sampingan nyer weh!!? ubi?)
then kamu dan kamu dan kamu disana,
datang n makan hidangan pocket. terimakasih

ada yang suka,
mcm biasa ada gak yg tak selari ngan citarasa.
ada yg makan.. tp tak tau nak komen,
pergi gitu jer tanpa komen.. ok..
pocket paham, buleh diterima.
lain hari datang lagi yer,
pocket serve udang plak.

Ada yang datang, makan, dan komen..
by the comment tu sipenghidang ni terasa besh,
pergh!! Kamu makan ayam masak merah ku sampai
gitu skali?
Kamu tahu yang aku usaha nak masinkan ayam tu,
Kamu tahu yang aku usaha nak krispikan kulitnya nya.
Kamu tahu dimana manisnya.
for this, terasa macam nak belanja makan bebetul nyer
kat luar jer kalau ada peluang. Puji ker tak, tak kisah ok..
Mungkin komen nyer kata , tak cukup masin...
tapi yang penting... makan

Tp ada gak yang datang tak makan,
mcm bebudak kecik masa raya ..
'mak ciiik, kami tak mau makan
dah, kami nak berayaa jer'
Diorang datang, diorang gi tpt
komen, tulis yang general..
dan blah.
humm lain orang lain caranya
nak mewujudkan ukhwah kan.
Dia bizi kot.. banyak lagi rumah
nak bertandang. Satu malam jer
dia gi dekat 600 rumah,
nak makan satu satu?
Kenyang muntah muntah nanti

Ada gak yg datang, duduk di meja,
tengok hidangan yg indah terletak tu,
dan dia blah, dia komen, bukan pasal isi,
tp pasal bunga cili pocket tu cantik...
Pun pocket rase kira ok gak lah kan..
Dia usaha gak tu. Datang lagi yer, lusa kambing tau!

Camana plak ngan kes yang gini?
Random komen, dia dtg..
dia tgk ayam masak merah,
'udang tu kena buang dulu la kulit nya pocket..'
macam .. EH?

so pocketeers,
hidang lah seadanya,
pocket nak bertandang merasa :D
Raya banyak rumah terbuka.
Kenyang kenyang ^^

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

386. Best Day

This is a multipurpose post.
I have so much thing to talk about
lately that i cant tell em once daily,
(But making more then 1 post a day is
prohibited for the pocket. Its like terms
and condition with small font right down
below an agreement letter)
so here goes...

I cant remember birthdays, i just cant.
Its a good thing that FB is having that
Birthday reminder, but still I wont know
if i dont go online.
Why is it that i cant remember birthdays?
Well i think i've eaten too many semut
from scourging the 'RecycleBin' looking
for food, oh we got lucky alright,
a half bitten karipap from the MRSM canteen
that is swarmed by semut is the lucky day,
usually its the crumbs only.

So how to prevent this u may ask?
Well I'm putting people's birthday in front
of their name in my handphone now..
hoping that I can see their birthday everytime
I saw their SMS coming in.

This is suppose to work but today
I still cant remember your birthday
Ayaq Masak.
Even after a few SMS and calls,
I still didnt realize the number
at the back was todays date.

For that i am trully sorry.
Next pizza hut will be with Cake ok :D
Happy Birthday sis, u look stunning today.
See u next birthday with an even more killing look...
(wishes like this is another way of saying, be careful
crossing the road or making reverse parking for i wish
u to live until next year's birthday, atleast)

That was about birthdays,
now what to do if I have a birthday but
I dont have any number to put in?
For those blogger whom i state their birthday
below please reply your phone no in the
comment area :D
(Punya la bangang cara nak mintak nombor
talipon kan.. well a guy can always try^^)

To miss Arissa who also born today,
I will ask u your phone no in another 20 years or so.
I know u'll grow up to be a beautiful lady just like
your mother. Congratulation to MsHanaChan
whom fought for her life and survive delivering
a healthy baby girl today.
I know u wont be commenting,
but I guess its for the sake of announcing the happy news.

So there u go pocketeers,
too much item in one post.
I'm posting without any spell check.
maaf kalau ada subjek dan predikat yang salah,
maaf juga untuk koma dan noktah,
hanya memastikan mesej terluah,
harap makna sampai terang lagi cerah

385. Sunshine, Coins, Kill!! Kill!!

this should be a short post,
my juice for today is nearing its bottom.
Been drawing the new header... what do u think?
i think i need to hit the floor.
(Yes, i sleep on the floor ok)

Hari Raya cuti, all the pakcik makcik is home in Guar Jackfruit,
i came back a bit later then everybody else. so when i entered
the house, it was full with people running here and there.
big and small, long and short. beauty and the beast.
there is also two arnab that looks so out of this world,
that u'd think like googling 'how to take care of arnab' right away.
i think i like arnab.

After my peluh dries off, my brother the FIlantera,
introduced me to this game, 'Plant Vs Zombie'...
A tower defense game that requires u to defend
the house from zombie.
The best part was u do that
with some seeds of plants.
Well I know u know the game,
its not new anyway.

Me being the game freak i am, got hooked right away.
finished the game in a matter of hours. A sense of guilt
came rushing into my vein as i was playing the game
on my third hour. Crept under my skin, forcing me to stop.

I am sorry for my absence in everybody's conversation.
I am sorry not helping mama with her raya preparation.
I am sorry for not being there even though this flesh and lemak
is sitting on that stool, the mind however was imagining
the tall'nut' and Cherry.
Plant, sunshine, coin!, kill! kill!!

Pocketeers, when u are there,
please be there mind, body and soul.
This is me saying to myself.
Regretting my absence.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

384. Fitting Time!!

CikBashtiah was posting something about
the compatibility between two things,
two souls,
two item...
... is best if the two items are from the same material,
same background, easy to say same shape.
Her post is here :
Doktor Dengan Doktor, Arkitek Dengan Arkitek.

Her point is quite understandable,
for an artist (Or a jiwang gay guy),
a flower is a beautiful thing created by god
with colours and propotion made in heaven
only for us human to enjoy for three days.
Then it'll fade away, down to the ground.

For a scientific guy who if he study a bit more,
he'd definitely found god.
A flower is a spawning organ, which makes him
despice the gesture of giving flower to girls in
special occasion.
Why give her a spawning organ?
Oiihh!! nak sarcastic pun pada pada lah!!

For a mathmatician,
well he'd be amaze with the golden ratio
in gods creation 1 ; 1.67

Imagine all three of them sitting in a room,
how will they ever understand each other?

I see your point sis.

But from my short life of being human,
I'd say that we are like a piece of jigsaw puzzle.
Each and one of us are, with weakness and strength of our own.
Different shape but fit in with others nicely.
Some with gaps, some fit so good u can even hold water with it.
We fill the emptiness of others and others fit us vice versa.
(Tingin nak guna ayat ni dari dulu.. betul tak penggunaan nih?)
Your patience calm my anger,
My humour fills the house with your laughter.

We fit into one small portion as family,
in that family we function, helping each other
buying the little brother a motorcycle so that
he could go to work.

We fit into a bigger organization,
where pocket is required to stamp the carton box
with 'Approved' stamp, but instead he is typing
a post in his blog.  Oi Oi!

A girl fit in her BF finely.
Where one is weak in cooking things,
and the other just works his/her magic in your
little kitchen both of u are working hard for.
another 28 years of payment,
nak coq pisang.. boleehhh?

Bottom line is, all of us are different.
Similarities may cause contradiction.
Its the fitting that requires some thought.
Is he the missing pieces in you?

There u go CikBashtiah
another answer to your previous post
u can always take other's post and elaborate

Monday, September 05, 2011

383. RayaMood

First post after raya,
i know all of u are still lingering around without knowing
what to do in that small cubicle of yours,
thinking about raya, the memories that makes u smile,
not to forget those that made u frown.

Smile :
-he finally talked to u,
ohh.. what kept u all this years abang hensem?
(In my case, she finally talked to me,
ohh what kept u all this years adik manis :D)
-duit raya yang berkepuk kepuk
for those who still entitled to get any.
-not to forget how everybody kept on complimenting your nice
 baju raya wrapping that nice after-ramadhan- body of yours.
well i cant complain.

Frown :
-the money left in your account is enough for another 10 days only. 
Oh look!! its still 4thSeptember.
-dat guy did it again, the whole raya mood destroyed just by his rude words.
How u wish he actually crashed somewhere in the highway and die.
lets just hope that he put your name in his will.
-The baju raya doesnt fit anymore.. ohh!!

so am not going to type that long pocketeers,
i know u'r not in the mood to work anyway so..

any memory to smile about pocketeers?