Sunday, November 28, 2010

331. Enjoy your hard work.

Went to Jusco nearby my house today,
sitting on the bench in front of the stairs near CikenRaisShop.
trying to make up my mind to buy the swiss knife or not..
untill i have come to realize something.

Anda yang selim melim, lagi body pyon pyon diluar sana.
you have worked hard sculpting that body,
so be proud of your victory, show em out. brag on!!
you deserve it.

Expose those gebu skin like a gold medal,
let others envy your waist line.
cause believe me, u are an idol in your own way.
a winner among us who lost.
an eye washer for me :D hehehh.. (Cuci Mata)

Kira win win situation appaa..
anda sedang membangga,
pocket menjadi penonton nya.
dah tu nak bangga kehapahnya
kalau tak der penonton kan?

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

330. Secret is when u alone knows it.

Sndiri tahu, itu rahsia,
berdua tahu, itu gossip,
bertiga tahu, itu cerita,
berempat tahu, itu pengetahuan am.

so what ever u do,
dont tell a second soul of what did u do last raya.
cause its just a matter of time till it become a gossip.
and the gossip become a cerita.. like folk tales about hantu susu,

and after the fifth soul knows your secret...
Its pengetahuan am..every one know it already,
like how u know that cars usually have 4 tyres,
bicycle runs on air sirap,
and marriage is the end.

So pocketeers, do u have a secret?
dont wanna be public about it? go anonimes also can:D
(Cam post secret plak)

Monday, November 22, 2010

329. Praying... kuatkanlah iman ini ..

I use to have a lady friend who's cute and easygoing,
Tall and thin, fair as any vanilla flavored ice cream look like
with iq so high, u'd think she might be a prosecutor. talks a lot.
She was one of those who are genetically intelligent
but never got the chance to go to any good school.
The father never let her out of her kampung worrying
she will ruin her life by all those demonic culture
outside her kampung. and she stupidly obliged.

Lots of sweet memories with her, i was there for a few
of her first time experience. (Bukan bukan.. bukan !!!)
I was there on her first flight take off.
(She was the one holding my hand.. not me ok!!)

Her first visit to melaka,
(Did i mentioned she never left her kampung before?)
Her first swimming pool. (Malam lagiiii, ohh kenangan pergi la jauh!!)
Seems like from where she came from,
ladies are not allowed to swim
(...and i accidentally brought two of my swimming tights.. hummm?)

Well i have to admit that I was fond of her in so many ways.
One of them is that she allows me to touch her,
Now now pocketeers.. dont get too naughty..
when i say 'touch her' i dont mean touching her 'there'.
Easy said our skins were not foreign to each other and
this thumb of mine went in where i think no other men
have gone before. (Mengurut belakang leher lah!!)
She's intelligent,
amat lah sopan nyer salam cium tangan mama pocket,
she makes me milo one night.. and a picture of me growing old
with her flashed for 0.4second. ohh..
well what is there not to love about her.

but she have a BF.
Who is also from her kampung,
Who is also possesive like her father,
Who is not that handsome. (This i add up)
Who also knows about a handsome apek looking guy is flirting
with his girl.

There was one night i was sending her home after our johor trip,
he was waiting with a few of his friends wanting to plow this face
of mine with a metal buku lima. I got out of the car,
chest fully inflated like a gorilla offensive stands and say..
'wanna do anything to me, make sure i'm dead after,
or else i'll saman everyone here so high,
that your father
will be looking for tin can to pay for food'
didnt think much!! yes i know. but it worked!!
no one moved, good! Make a bit of garang face and
got in the car, wet my pants.
Shivered like i'm having demam kepialu.
(Ok ok.. i'm not that brave.. i know)

We got separated after she left the company,
Some say her BF was intimidated by me and forced her to leave.
Some say she got better offer elsewhere.
I say she's afraid of falling for me, hence the resign letter.
(This... i perasan sorang sorang ok)

kept on wondering though... what if.

After three years, the dark cloud that hovers on this forever autum
life of mine opened a bit, letting a bright light shining over this land
of nothingness, for an instance a flower nearly bloomed.

Met her with some friends the other day,
giggling over some naked manekin in Jusco nearby my house.
'hai.. kenal lagi? lamanya tak jumpa.. sihat? kenapa tak call?'
'my hubby delete number u dlm henpon i.. then dia tukar number i ,
so memang la tak leh nak call dah... '

'sampai camtu skali.. dah kawin ngan dia?'
'dah, 3 tahun dah,' she tone down her voice,
slowly gliding away from her friends audible zone.
'uuu.. tak jemput pon. baby?'
'xder rezeki lagi, maybe u buleh tolong?'
i just smiled and say.. 'maybe'
but in my heart i'm screaming..

After an awkward moment of fidgeting and swinging
left and right shifting my weight from one leg to the other,
'so call me please!! kenal kenal balik'
Her thin lips curled to a smile.
'umph.. i will!!'

and she left.

Got back to my crib and lay on my back with
my hand on my forehead wondering..
This is a great opportunity but,
why am I thinking twice to call her now?

jangaaaan la kantul.. hummmmmmmm...

loh!! kesitu pulak?

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

328.Jatuh Iman Kang...

'...tapi pasai apa pulak nak kacau,
depa bukan nya buat apa pun,

semua nya hang nak kira zina tak betui la... '
farid still trying to defend his nephew who
went to pangkor in couples without adult
'berdua duaan kat tempat yang sunyi tu buleh
menimbulkan kecurigaan,
dalam islam kita
tak buleh nak buat macam tu.. memang la kena

ada saksi kalau nak tangkap basah ka apa..
tapi hang selaku...'

'Aaaahhh!! sudah lah!!'
Firwan was cut off by farid who started calmly
listening to the advise but now his blood going
up the roof. Annoyed with Firwan who cant
listen to good story without giving advise of wisdom.
'semua nak kira ikut islam, kalau macam tu apa pun tak buleh buat
la!! dok umah, terus jer tak maju macam tok nenek kita!!'
farid added.

and suddenly... all the other people who was
only listening from the beginning stand up
and stop him from continuing his words,
holding him like he's some lunatic holding
a parang trying to go amok.
'sabaq sabaq, jangan sampai jatuh iman ...
farid bawak istigfar ok, bawak betenang..'

yes yes pocketeers,
this happened the other day,
this karangan is 2 weeks old.
jangan sampai jatuh iman yer...
same to blogging, EffBii, Tuiter,
feel free to write anything, everything, something,
a thing or two, urat keting, puting botol susu...
but jangan sampai jatuh iman yer..

Nasihat utk pocket juga nih ^^;

Monday, November 15, 2010

327. More please...

am feeling a bit reluctant to post this story today,
cause she might be reading this.

A lady in my office bought an 11 inch lappy the other day,
i was one of those who gathered around and witness
her taking out that lappy to ask something about the
Wayales brukbeng that seems like not working.
all new and shiny, the protective sheet for the monitor
was still intact.

Its not that i havent seen anything better.
its the thought of an after SPM inspector buying
a lappy just because she got an extra 1 thousand ringgit
lying around the floor simply make me jealous.

i asked her..
'what do u do with this lappy?'
'other then FB, what else?
'nothing.. at the moment, its only for FB'

i thought there is so much more in the internet that
could interest a girl her age. but i may be wrong.
lets just sangka baik.
-she just finished her SPM the other day, she will most probably
be using that lappy if she enters University. good for her.
-she might even go overseas, then the lappy will be a necessity
to communicate with her parent cheaply. (Vdo calls or mails)
-she just bought the lappy for a few weeks.. she'll learn after
that internet is not about the interaction only, its about source
of info. something for u to learn.

then i thought to myself.
eh? what about u pocket?
what do u do with your 60ringgit paid to the TiEm Net?
eh eh? hooh la? nak buat aper lagi yer?
pocketeers sekalian buat aper yer ngan internet?
padan tak ngan 60 ringgit tu? (Kalau wayales brukbeng, pocket tak tau la kan)

Friday, November 12, 2010

326. Deny Me Please...

perbualan yang bebaru ni pocket dengar...

'waaah.. posing sakan nampak? kat mana ni?'
'heheh, biasa laa kak.. tgh hangat bercinta heheheh, auto-hug gitu.'
'alaaaah.. sekarang ni memang la..
bila dah anak dua nanti kurang la sikit'
ima just luv to ruin people's happy moment.

and this one hit me quite good..
'so aku amik la yang Selkom 1+5 tu..
so buleh aku sembang ngan awek aku murah sikit..'
Says the pocket trying to brag about his Phone Line.
'Farid.. u sembang lagi ker ngan wife u tru henpon?'
ima was asking farid without even lifting her head.
She's just like that, memang suka nak melemah kan
semangat pocket.

'dak dah.. benda penting jer, kat mana? bila nak sampai?
nak pesan apa apa tak? gitu gitu la kaaakk...'
'umph, Ima pun sama.. dulu masa bercinta..
naik keter tu tak berenti sembang..
sekarang ni dok dgr radio jer.. hummm' kata Ima.
'So pocket.. tak der nyer ko pakai line tu nanti.. heh heh'
I hate her..

hard to admit to this, but this is the fact.
Yes not all couple end up like this. but most couple do.
and if u consider 12 couple over 1000 is a minor number
till u can ignore it.. then this teori is statistically true.
(Enphasizing on the 'IS')

Tok kadi's hand shake turns the
beautiful luv to responsibility,
commitment and a few documentation
that follows.

ignore it as much as u want,
deny this with all your heart,
tell it to yourself a few hundred times
i know u need the sleep at night
but deep down inside.
u know what i'm typing here is the truth.

marriage is not the destination of luv, (If luv ever exist by the way)
marriage is just another level in the game of life.
u just need to get to this level to be able to do stuff.
-buying a house with two names,
-making kids with approval by law and community,
-the tax leway
and not to forget...
-someone to woke up next to early in the morning.

humm humm...

or is it kampung style is like this,
and u guys who are living in town
are not like this but on the contrary
living under the pink sky and not seeing
her a day is hell. Not to forget the
never ending attention towards your spouse?

Deny me please..
tell me wrong.

pocketeers, i think i'm sick..

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

325. Main Jom!!

Luahan rasa Farid... sila let your mind wander...

Aku suka main ngan ko, sebab ko pandai main,
(Dan ko comel, puteh, seksi sangat bila pakai skirt
pendek tennis tu.. tapi takkan la nak suka ko
pasal appearance kan.. shallow nyeeee)
kita baru jer kenal ari tu, tapi kita dah mesra,
no hard feeling, no commitment.
kalau ko nak main or aku nak main, call and kita main...
tak yah join kelab kelab yang mewajibkan kita main
seminggu sekali.. dan tak perlukan kad keahlian...
aku suka.

orang kata aku lemah, sebab selalu main ngan
pompuan yang sorang tu jer.. dah tu nak wat camana?
ko jer yang sudi main ngan aku. orang lain tak nak.
(Plus aku suka ko sebab ko comel)
Kalau pun nak.. kena masuk kelab la,
kena bayar itu ini la.. siap kena jumpa mak bapak!!
Aku tak nak semua tu, aku nak main jer poon..
lemah sebab main ngan pompuan?
main ngan lelaki lagi la kena belasah plak aku nanti.
adehhh. Takuuuttt!!

Kita main masa kita nak main, tak kisah bila..
asalkan line clear and ko ok.
ko suka main masa siang, aku suka masa malam.
tak nampak?buleh jer bukak lampu kan..
court tennis mana pun ada lampu sekarang ni.
lain la kat Guar Chempedak sana.
lagipun kalau main masa malam..
pas main penat penat tu,
minum air segelas buleh terus tido.
aku suka.

Selama ni aku ingatkan ko suka main ngan aku,
tapi tindakan ko tempohari memang memberi
tamparan yang hebat, aku kena improve diri sendiri.
Beli raket baru kot, buleh beli ker? maybe additional racket?

Gi renovate raket ni kot,
kata orang kalau racket tu dimantain elok elok..
performance nyer tak jatuh... tp kat maner yer
service center nyer?
Maybe belajar main ngan orang lain kot,
Study move yang baru, menaikkan stamina maybe...
Then kita buleh lawan balik. Hope i'm not a dismal then.

Yer yer aku tahu aku ni lemah sikit,
tapi selama ni ko layan kelemahan aku.
Masa aku serve, ko tunggu la jgak buat muka serious.
Masa aku offensive dok hentam kuat kuat...
ko buat buat muka panic.. or muka pulun.
Tapi bebaru ni ko telah menghentam aku tanpa segan silu nya..
dont get me wrong!! aku suka.. hantam la lagi. hantam la lagi ^^;
Tapi part main sambil tengok tv tu aku tak leh terima tu.

Lemah sangat ker aku?
buleh main sambil tengok tv!!? adehllaaaa...
siap bleh capai remote nak meninggikan volume
lagi masa aku dok volley..
aku nampak la!! Cover sikit tak leh ker?
oh oh.. there goes my
hargadiri down the drain.

Luahan rasa sebenar Farid.
pocketeers!! ni betul nii!!
bebetul punyer betul nii..
tak tipu... farid cerita sendiri.
Pompuan memang buleh main
tennis sambil tengok tv yek?

Monday, November 08, 2010

324. Notti within the rules

Firwan concluded that
'Sexy is a term to describe something
that let your mind wander erotically

about the subject.'

anyway... by the definition 'let your mind wander'
puts everything related to the intercourse of two
homosepian during mating is sexy..
The tools required, the lighting, the process,
the colour, the sound, the surface, the movement.
Well i dont have to elaborate more..
its not the main point anyway

Muslimah supposedly wear something that does
not show the skin. But focusing only on this aspect,
people become creative.. and ladies out there is
becoming sexy not by showing their skin, but by
letting the observer's mind wander about them.

If that area there is as nice,
I wonder how is the other area?
If 2cm of her hips skin is puteh melepak like dat,
then how is the other area that is also blocked from
UV Rays?

Baju Kurung lately is becoming sexy.
The kancing near the tulang selangka area?
they are opening it biiiigg lately.. letting us see a bit
of an opening and we men would start to wonder
how would the view look like from up there or can
we see more from this angle?
(Cropping the scene like stiven spilbeg shooting his movie)

Fabric also plays an important role in making
the innocent baju kurung sexy. some see tru,
some stretchable, some of the fabric is soo soft,
if u have a taik lalat idup somewhere in your hips..
it would also be visible.

And design!!
U cant show skin, U cant show shape,
then design it so that the mind wanders.
I luv this new trend teenagers are wearing nowadays... somewhat a cardigan tied to the chest, with tight t shirt underneath.
It makes us wonder..
how would u look like if u're wearing a two piece?

And your point is pocket?
well the itchy (Gatal) pocket says :
go on girls.. i luv it when u are naughty.
giving me hope to life, keeping the air in my lung.
my job is hard.. my life is harder.. never ending loans
with along calling me every other day. Can i just leave?
thank you for being there in my eyesight. U are a lifesaver.
go baby go!! (Ala ala stacey dalam Promotion vdo lagu 'Jahat'
comeeel ^^)

The tiny goodness inside pocket says :
(whatever left of the goodness inside this pocket)

'dik... menutup aurat tu bukan sekadar menutup kulit...
tapi menegah minda pemerhati dari berfikiran nakal tentang anda.'
humm hummmm....
so pocketeers.. any kenakalan lately?

Sunday, November 07, 2010

323. Ass Am Ass...

...dlm bahasa melayunya, ponggong tu ponggong jgak
tapi tulih menggunakan bahasa ingeris yg tak betul ^^

i woke up,
it was too cold,
oh oh i am on the floor.
oh oh.. where's the tilam i was in last night!?
rumet, kok yer pun nak tendang..
jangan la sampai bawah ok..

get my senses together,
move by heavy ass to the nearest water source
and drink a bit, sunnah rasulAllah nii.
Check the fridge, a jug of tea!!
thanks rumet, now i forgive u for the kicking thing.
am draining it up regardless to who u made it for.

Mamai, Blue light!!
oh the desktop is still on.
(Yes pocketeers, i am still using the big ass desktop
that u cant move it to anywhere u want and the
monitor can kill anyone by a drop on the head)
went and check... i cant use the new gugel krom i've
installed.. somehow the windows wording came out
encrypted. Kotaaaak jer semua.
push a button on my handphone to find out what
time is it. ohh.. i got an SMS..
it was from u ...
asking my whereabout. (Rindu lah tuuuu)
replied.... 'i am still in malaysia honey'

'message sent'
back to the standard screen,
found out that its 6 am...
sunday morning...

heheh .. sorry dear,
if i know that its sunday and its still 6am,
i would not have replied the SMS.
I know u wake up late on sunday,
i know u dont have any breakfast to
wake up to this two to three month..
(Hey!! i can make u breakfast!!i can even
buy us the table for having breakfast in bed!!)
sorry dear,
i was an ass for disturbing u sunday morning,
hope i didnt wake u up by the sms.
hope your dream was not disturbed,
just push the snooze button will ya,
i'm shutting up now ^^;

Friday, November 05, 2010

322. Firwan the Wanderer

in my stories i often use names as actual person name.
they're merely character just to make my story more lively.

Farid: a common name for a man, any man..
Ima : a common name for a lady, any lady...
Pocket : well the writer of course...
Mr G : pocket's direct supervisor...
Mr Big: pocket's big boss...

so today i'm going to introduce u to another character.
hopefully he will be just as interesting as others.

His name is firwan. Now now..
u know that this name is not even existed right?
i just made it up.. his real name is short and less
fancy name.. a more malay name, like dollah, samad or ali.

So Firwan is a guy who wanders alot. he think too much.
i dont think he took science or mathematics in his SPM
because he is more to sastera... the guy who are good with words.
he doesnt speak like all of us, u know...
when i wanna say 'your idea most likely is not appropriate wit the girls'
i'll say it like this 'idea hang tak sesuai ngan depa kooot'
but Firwan will say it like this ...
'aku rasa cadangan hang tu berkemungkinan besar
tidak selari dengan pandangan para gadis sekalian'

long and winding with imbuhan here and there,
sound like your Bahasa Melayu teacher spoke
when he's trying to make a point.

Cutting the story short ...
today Firwan made a sound...
'Gadis tu bagaikan hiasan utama siTuan rumah,
Membelinya senang, menjaganya yang susah,
dan akhirnya terabai dan berhabuk, jatuh dan pecah,
untuk diganti baru siTuan Rumah...'

oi oi!! bukan senang nak ganti baru ooiii...
nak melepaskan 'hiasan' tu banyak procedure woooo!!

happy holiday everyone...
i'm stuck at cleaning :(

Tuesday, November 02, 2010

321. Defining Beauty...

So i read about bonsai the other day and i have come to learn
about the golden ratio of placement. Simply say.. if u have an
arm length of table to put some deco on, the best location
to put is at about 38% of your arm length from any end.
(This i dont create, somebody else who died
hundreds of years ago did..after doing some
study on sea shells and naked man picture)
It seems like easier for us to focus on that particular
location rather then just putting it in the middle.
and somehow those that u think is beautiful...
comply to this rules.
and so i tried...
This is the picture of Fonthip watcharatrakul,
she's the contestant of the 2010 miss world.
Why do i choose her pic instead of others is
because she's the only one posing straight forward
like when u wanna take your Identity Card while
others kept on showing their right chinbone upfront.
(Then why dont u try it on your own picture u may
ask? well finding out that i'm not only ugly by feeling
but also theoritically ugly by leonardo davinci's rules
is heart breaking)

Just to my surprise, the location of her nose is
exactly located 38% of the total length of her face (from her chin)
38/100 x 3.33" = 1.2654"
(Give it plus minus 0.1 to 0.2")

her mouth (The opening) was 62% of the total
distance from her chin to her nose.
(62% being the other half of 38% from a total of 100%)
62/100 x 1.26" = 0.78"

tried a bit more and found more amazing results,
Although i cant relate her eye location on X axis. humm
but anyway.. isnt this amazing?

so if she's beautiful, being the miss Thailand and everything,
and she complies with the golden rules, what about us?

so.. what are u waiting for? get your handphone
and start taking pic of yourself..
and tell me pocketeers? are u beautiful?