Friday, October 01, 2010

315. MyDeepest Secret

Everyone have their own secret, me too, included.
Just an ordinary person who owns a bit of story
i dont want anyone near me to know.
Some of the secret can be so dark...
so dark..
so dark... ('Tersedak' dalam bahasa nogori..'sodak' ker?)
too dark till i dont think u guys will
look me with straight faces anymore after.
most of u will frown, most of u might as well be hating me.

but the thing about having a secret is...
it is a living thing. like a monkey in your rib cage.
It shakes the metal bar wanting to get out.
Holding it like someone who got in the joint, clinging to the bar,
crying, shouting to get out.. not to mention spitting at the guards
like those scene u can see in green miles.
u want to let it out but u know it'll ruin u,
but keeping it all to yourself is also excruciating.

'Then why dont u just share it here pocket?'

well i cant, some of u i've met,
some of u i've talked,
i've even fall for one of u once...,
waaaahhhhh.. (There u go, the monkey letting its hand out a bit)
and i think some people in my kilang is also reading this.
so i cant.
i just cant.
the fear of being judged,
fear of rejected,
fear of being naked,

n last of all, the fear of the info being used as a bullet to shoot my head in the future,
u wont know people nowadays, u tell em a secret today, the next day they use it to
back stab u. just for the sake of entertainment.

'aku pun pernah merompak bank jgak dulu, tak la sampai kantul'
'btui tu, memang mamat tu silap banyak lah..' says a friend i thought i could trust.

and the next week.. my mother called me..
'dekwan betui ka pernah rompak bank?
so selama ni dok bagi duit haram la kat
mama makan? sanggup dekwan no..'

of course pocketeers, i didnt rob any bank, that was an example.

so pocketeers.. have any secret?
know a way to ease this pain inside?
the pain of wanting to tell the story.
having someone to share.
(Without jeopardizing your future of course)
I have a secret,
i eat KayEffSii with a dash of salt.
no its not that KayEffSii alone is not salty enough,
i just luve the extra flavor.
Yes i know, its not healthy, that is why its a secret.

Now tell me, how can i eat KayEffSii in the house
without telling this secret to my housemate?
N if i wanna eat it at the restaurant, i have to eat
alone. Ohh this is painful.

9 comments:

~ mizzAmy ~ said...

amy jenis tak reti simpan secret sendiri. habis semua secret amy citer kot. hehehe.... teruk kan?

Pocket said...

tu yang bahaya tu amy,
kang bila amy cerita suma secret
tu kat someone u thought u can trust,

all the naughty one,
all the sexy one,
all the dark one,

and he/she used those to humiliate u in the future... waaaahhh.. tak besh nyer.

bendul said...

yessss... aku pun jenih bukak pekung di dada.. somehow, some of the secret menyusahkan aku balik bila aku cerita..

cemana pun, still secret yg beso2 aku simpan.. tak sanggup nak citer pun..

aper kata, secret yg kita tak sanggup nak citer tu, kita tulih habih2, then kita email balik pada diri sendiri dan kita baca balik..

there you go.. you've already told someone..!!!

Ayaq masak said...

Semua pun ada secret...termasuklah saya...secret yang sangat keji..huhu.

Pocket said...

bendul, bendul,
i never thought u are a guy who have split personality.. heheh,
but it might just work.
and i might give it a try.

Ayaq,
tak pernah terasa nak share ker rahsia tu? mcm mulut ni terasa cam nak citer jer.. cam tak leh tahan,
cam rahsia tu berat.
berat sangat utk satu bahu nak tanggung.
so kalau la ada bahu yang lain utk tanggung sekali..

gitu gitu..

UglyPooh said...

I told my best frend the 'darkest' secret in my life. I have to, to get a support. hehee..darkest ke?

moral : never do something stupid n minimize secret in your life. bila byk secret kita akn byk takut. lastly, slalu buat baik utk overcome the guilty.

Cik Qemm said...

eh bendul,
kalau tibe2 kite bagi akses kt orang lain email kite cemane? since kite ni tak reti nk jage secret :(

ops ter-reply bendul nye komen pulak :P

anyway, some secret can be told, but there are some that need to be kept.

iza~de~bintang said...

Cerita kelabu asap memang cerita kat kawan baik, tapi yang darkest tu takleh nak bayang, kelam tera mana lak gamaknya noh. Kalau gelap2 kopi o tu semua orang lalui rasanya.


Tapi rasanya kalau perkara memalukan yang tak mau share dengan orang lain kena mengadu selalu pada yang Maha Mengetahui, baru ok kot. Lagipun ustazah kata kita dilarang buka aib sendiri/orang.

fairuzniza said...

pocket..sooo right ur response for kak amy's comment tu..um..secret..

everyone has their own secret. for me, my dark secret is for myself. tak penah cite kat sape2. tapi mostly, i know that He knows. ye lah, mane leh sorok pape dari dia.

in the end, even ape2 pun, pada Dia la sebaiknya tempat bercerita. tak kisahla dark ke, light ke. :p

sebab Dia tak judge kita. sebaliknya Dia suruh kita sendiri yang judge diri sendiri, by muhasabah. kan?

**sorry, lari topik. ter emo jap.** ^__^