346. BahasaJiwaBangsa...

we were talking the other day,

having pointless chat with some kakak..

and a few indonesian adik about all sorts of thing,

mostly ngumpat.

The conversation went all the way from how to cook

an ayam masak lemak to the mechanical of tsunami.

one of the item came down to a question of whether

ladies talk the dirty talk.

and so i've ask one of the girls

She said that they do talk,

but just among themself,

not with others, especially with men,

and being the naughty me, i have to ask.. why?

her answer was interesting enough

for me to share here.. with u guys.

instead of answering the typical

answer one usually heard like...

...'malu laaa'

...'kami tak suka sembang gitu'

...'berdosa tau!'

she answered ... 'bahasa jiwa bangsa'

oh how patriotic u are to answer in such

bombastic three words we've always

heard from our primary school.

she elaborated...

..bahasa disini bukan intonasi, perkataan,

teloq atau formal ke tak formal jer,

bahasa disini termasuk lah 'isi' dan juga 'maksud'.

kalau isi tu semuanya bagus bagus jer,

Bangsa tu pun bagus bagus lah.

kalau isi dan maksud yang seseorang macam

kelanunan jer, bangsa si pencakap tu pun lanun lah jadinya.

nampak cam lanun. tak leh pakai.

bayangkan sorang wanita muka comel,

puteh bersih, ngan postur tegak lagi anggun

dok sembang tentang perkara lucah jer..

tentang betapa dia suka dilakukan itu ini...

tentang hari tu, ada itu ada ini..

tak nampak cantik jgak kan..

nampak cam bohsia berpeleseran ditepi jalan jgak kan.

kan ker buruk persepsi orang nanti kan.

dan ada beza antara persepsi dari lelaki dan pompuan,

kalau wanita berpandangan begitu terhadap seorang

wanita lain, ok jer..

dia simply gatal sikit or ber terus terang orang nyer jer kot...

tapi kalau seorang lelaki berpandangan

sebegitu terhadap sorang wanita tu bahaya!!

pasal wanita yang lucah itu tadi akan dianggap

'senang' atau 'buleh' sebab kalau sembang pasal

teori sana sini pun dia buleh sembang,

setakat nak practical sekali dua tu ok jgak kan..

persepsi tu yg tak mau tu, pasal lelaki... mesti ajak punya!...

kalau ajak ok lagi, kalau dilanyak nyer terus?

kan ker buruk padahnya.

so ... Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa

..Wah wah, u can be a school teacher,

come to think of it,

i've never understood the true meaning of

'bahasa jiwa bangsa' before this. now i know.

Did You?

345. It Is May Already

It is may already and i am not posting as much as i used too.

i'm merindui my daily post,

i'm missing you guys,

and most of all, i'm missing u.

trust me when i say dat i've been checking

your blog almost everyday,

just to know 'how are you?'

yes yes, i have my reason,

As u know i've moved out from my previous apartment

to a low cost terrace house. the fact that i am not actually

moved yet disturbs me, some of the boxes is still not open

yet, my computer is actually placed on the floor.

the lay out is still in the 'temporary mode'..

the temporary mood... makes me feel like i am watched

by both of my housemate.

its like they're saying ...

'u're blogging while your stuff is still lying all over?

go on and clean the mess in the store room la woi!'

My computer is making its attention demand.

its making sound again. i cant even 'ON' the damn thing.

so posting using my housemate's lappy is a bit menyedihkan,

I dropped my K701 Sony Errickson!

The one dat can take pic 'paparazzi'ly

the one dat i've been relying on for so long,

now gone, used by some other malay or chinese

guy out there. sold maybe, used maybe,

adehlaaa... this actually slows down my posting.

cause i cant pre-type my karangan first.

so anyway.. that will be the reason,

have to shoot one by one,

and let my days of daily posting

come again.

i'm missing u, how about u?

344. I'll Cut U Open

one thing i've come to realize after

a few years of looking and observing,

ladies have 'cut' different from men.

(Laaa sekarang baru nak perasan?

tumpul nya kamu pocket!!?)

and by having different 'cut' on the baju,

company uniform is always a pain on the skin.

cause usually they produce the company uniform

as such that it would fit everyone.

let it be the big, the small or the tiang lektrik.

and thinking back on this,

i would say that the punifore does look

better on girls rather then the baju kurong,

(we're talking all original made here of course)

cause the nice fit on the waist would

enhance the silhouette of the wearer.

Baju kurong is straight!!

from the bust to the hip,

no dimension changes whatsoever.

then comes the tailor, girls who have money

would invest in ammending the baju so nice,

so fine, so material removing...

till that lady who walk by the bustand looking

like someone who work in Air Asia or MAS is

actually walking to the school,

SPM is just around the corner...

talk about self confident ha?

along the way, come men who have their estrogen

slightly above the others would ammend their

baju too!!

tighter on the chest and the waist just so that

the torso and 8 packs looks more obvious.

I cant understand the purpose of this,

but lets admit it. for boys who have the cut,

they look good in those kinda baju.

anyway.. Today i'm auditing a company in shah alam,

to impress me, they went and bought themself

a company uniform. light blue with the

company name on the chest.

they just got the uniform 2 days earlier.

the men look good and nice since men dont

have that much cut to take care off.

But the girls... kesiaan.

-They're wearing baju so big and loose

that if u cut the sleeve,

U can see their lowest tulang rusuk

from the hole u just made,

-There is no more pinggang for them,

all look like wearing baju kedah.

and if they would go bottomless (As if no seluar),

they would look like that lady

who woke up in tony stark house

in the morning wearing his kemeja. Uuuuu seksi!!

-but since they're not bottomless,

they look like the cleaner aunty

who wears baju pinjam.

adehlaaa... langsung tak der cutting.

langsung tak der!!

oh this audit is not going to be a fun one... :(

343. My Killing Fantasy..

Do u dream pocketeers?

yes i think u do, but do u do it in daylight?

while your eyes is still open, sitting on your chair, thinking..

how beautiful that handphone looks,

imagining her expression if u buy the phone for her,

work out an image of her, being excited harassing the

phone all over, looking at it so close that u'd think she's

trying to find any defect on the screen.

Ever do that pocketeers?

in other expression, it is called as fantasize.

Fantasizing me buying the phone for u,

fantasizing u being happy about it.

fantasizing u kissed me on the cheek out of happiness.

The same old stuff a kid would fantasize being an ultraman

saving people from danger.

The problem is, lately my fantasy is being hijacked.

I have'nt found the perpetraitor yet, but i know there

is something else inside my mind now.

lets give u an example so that u'd understand more.

it was night, i was alone.. looking out from my window,

i saw her coming back from work. She was alone and i

felt pity of her, trying to open the lock with one hand

while the other hand still holding the bihun sup.

Put down the bihun sup first silly.

oh i wish that i am an animagus, a sorcerer that could turn

into animal, i'd choose spider this time, after i've transformed,

i would crept my way to her.. walking slowly with my too

many legs, swinging from a branch onto her house with

my spider web of course, as i slowly entering her room,

i heard the shower was raining hot water.

oh oh she is taking her bath..

my chance to have a sneak peak :D.

thank god i am not a tarantula,

i'm just the itsy bitsy spider that legs

were smaller then a needle.

but reliable enough to bring this

hungry soul to her audience.

as i was entering the gap underneath the door,

i saw her ankle and clean white skin, i was standing up

as i wanted to look above when a splash of water come

rushing me like some tsunami and swept me off my

unreliable legs.

'Labah!! Labah!!' was the scream that accompany me through

my struggle from the tsunami, i saw where would i end,

the hole to enter the sewer. ohh!!

Her scream is not helping,

yes she is beautiful and naked but some one

is struggling for help here!!.. a little hand please?

and clank!! the sound of a metal lid covering the

entrance of the hole, now i'm trapped.

She proceed on with her bath,

which i couldnt see much cause

i'm now in the bottom of the longkang.

There u go pocketeers,

my dream, my fantasy.

i'm suppose to be dead but since it was all a fantasy

i'm having by myself, i'm still safe and sound in my own room,

looking out the window, trying to make out what is it that she's

doing after entering her house.

tell me pocketeers,

what kind of a fantasy that kills the hero in the end?

i'm the hero wasnt i? i should get the chicks!! but

instead.. i'm getting killed in my own fantasy.

Just how stupid was that?

oh.. when will this dream killer be gone.